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Conundrum by Jan Morris

Richard Ratzan — Wed, 27 May 2026 14:26:00 +0000

As James Morris, the author was the dashing journalist who covered the first successful ascent of Everest in 1953 for The Times of London; a member of the elite and quintessentially male 9th Queen’s Royal Lancers (“famous for their glitter and clublike exclusivity”–p. 27); the husband who married Elizabeth, fathering several sons. But, as the writer says in the first sentence of the book, “I was three or perhaps four years old when I realized that I had been born into the wrong body and should really be a girl. I remember the moment well [James was sitting beneath his mother’s piano], and it is the earliest memory of my life.”

Realizing he was a member of a tangled (a favorite word of the author) group of transsexuals, James felt himself trapped in a conundrum of gender (he felt and considered himself female) versus sex (he was genotypically and phenotypically male). “To me gender is not physical at all but is altogether insubstantial; it is soul, perhaps, it is talent it is the essentialness of oneself” (p.25).

After some fruitless interactions with the medical profession, Morris travels to Casablanca in the summer of 1972 to undergo sex-changing surgery and becomes Jan Morris. Unlike many if not most transsexuals, post-operatively Morris fared quite well emotionally and was quite happy with the change.

Jan Morris’s writing is as humorous and eloquent as James Morris’s was. She describes how magazines like Rolling Stone, publishers like Random House, and thousands of readers have never cared what gender or sex was holding the pen; how life changed in clubs, restaurants, and in taxicabs, where Jan met the first man to kiss her, post surgery, “in a carnal way” (p.151). Morris records that “all I did was blush.”

As the chronicle of one sensitive and highly literate man’s journey from manhood to womanhood, Conundrum offers much commentary on the states of mind of a transsexual, a highly polished writer undergoing the humoral, mental, emotional, and cultural changes of such surgery.

Prior to surgery, Morris writes about feeling deprived of an identity: “I realize now that the chief cause of my disquiet was the fact that I had none. I was not to others what I was to myself. I did not conform to the dictionary’s definition–‘itself and not something else’ ” (p.40-41). All Morris wanted “was liberation, or reconciliation–to live as myself, to clothe myself in a more proper body, and achieve Identity at last” (p.104). It took courage but it was worth it and Conundrum reads like nothing more, and nothing less, than a successful odyssey of the sexual soul.

Jan Morris died in 2020, aged 94.

Jan Morris: Journalist, Historian, ‘Writer About Place’ – Faculty of English

Conundrum
Jan Morris
New York Review of Books Classics, paperback 2006: 176 pages
Originally published by Faber and Faber, London, 1974

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The Remarkable Life of Ibelin

Dave Hsu — Thu, 17 Apr 2025 12:28:42 +0000

From Apollo on Call–a Medhum Podcast

Mats Sheen

The Remarkable Life of Ibelin is a 2024 documentary about the life of Mats Steen, a Norwegian man who died from complications of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. The movie explores how Mats, unbeknownst to the people around him, adopts a full online persona that allows him to experience the fullness of the human experience through a video game, experiences that were denied to him in the physical world because of his illness.

I grew up during the nascent age of video games and home computers. While our parents looked at computers as tools that might help us in the future, as children, we looked at computers mostly as a source of fun. We crowded around arcade machines at convenience stores and arcades, throwing away quarters until our pockets emptied. We congregated at our friends’ houses after school and on weekends, befriending whoever was fortunate enough to have a console or a computer powerful enough to support the latest graphics.

Mats’ online profile image (Ibelin)

Now though, as a parent and physician, my nostalgic view of video games is tempered by a mixture of skepticism and fear when it comes to games and internet technology. To hear the skeptics discuss it, video games are one of the root causes of the obesity epidemic, and online games and social media are part of the teen mental health crisis. Schools bring in experts to teach parents the perils of children spending time online while pediatricians pound out guidelines that describe “healthy limits on screen time.” 

This month, on Apollo On Call, we sit down to talk about video games and how there is another side to this narrative. We look at the story of Ibelin and talk about how video games may add to our lives in ways that many of us have never considered.

Thank you, Mats, for showing us a different way to think about the online world.

Luki and Dave

TRANSCRIPT FROM THIS EPISODE

Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck

Howard Trachtman — Fri, 21 Feb 2025 14:18:36 +0000

Beware, this is a very, very depressing book. Kairos is dark and foreboding. It will upset you from the start, and it will not leave you feeling any better when you are finished. But it will prod you to think, it will rattle around in your brain like an unwelcome guest who does not know when to leave. I predict it will challenge you to ponder how you would behave more than any other book you are likely to read in the near future.

Kairos is the claustrophobic story of an affair between a 19-year-old woman and a married man more than 30 years her senior. Nothing unique in that situation. But this clandestine relationship unfolds against the backdrop of the last years of the German Democratic Republic before the sudden collapse of the Berlin Wall. This too is familiar territory — from novels like John LeCarre’s The Spy who Came in from the Cold and Ian McEwen’s The Innocent to popular movies like The Lives of Others. What makes Kairos different from anything that I have read about this period is the microscopic view it provides of the dysfunctional relationship between Katharina and Hans and the larger vision of reality that emerges.

Their initial meeting is a completely chance encounter on a bus in Berlin as they shove to board it and escape the rain. They spy each other immediately and within a few pages are sleeping together. Hans is a married broadcast journalist who seems to have found a secure niche for himself despite state control of the press, while Katharine is a student in theater arts. Literary May-December romances are not uncommon, but the rushed and secretive meetings between the two lovers quickly move into less comfortable terrain. Katharine becomes increasingly insecure and less assertive in her interactions with Hans. Violent sadomasochistic behavior intrudes into their space, and Hans becomes more domineering and demanding. This is not a fuzzy tale of two star-crossed lovers who pine longingly for one another; this is obsessive territory. Over time, distrust and suspicion and mutual cruelty invade the lovers’ trysts. When Katharine leaves Berlin for a period of academic study in Frankfurt, it triggers exaggerated accusations of betrayal by Hans. He blames Katharine for being unreliable and not fully committed to their relationship and calls into question her loyalty to him. There is lots of sex and coded signals and furtive meetings to avoid detection by Hans’ wife and son. But the mood becomes chillier and more tense with each turning page. Eventually, the political uprising across Germany and Eastern Europe ruptures the novel’s narrow field of vision and alters the contour of their illicit relationship.

The novel is bracketed by two efforts at historical reconstruction, accomplished by mining written records from the period. This highlights the power of literary narratives to frame our lives, something that Kairos accomplishes so successfully. The plot is spare but Jenny Erpenbeck has created a novel that is very thick with the lives of the two characters, and it is that richness of texture and intimacy, disturbing as it might be, which causes the book to reverberate in your memory long after you put it down.

Why is that? What Kairos accomplishes better than other books I have read in recent memory is its ability to bring to life the impact of our social and political environment on our inner lives. The tautness of Erpenbeck’s writing, the novel’s ominous and suspicious atmosphere, are a direct reflection of what it might have been like to live in East Germany after the Iron Curtain descended and the Berlin Wall was erected. The East German domestic spy service, the notorious Stasi, infiltrated everyday life. Anyone could be an informer and everyone could be informed on. Petty offenses against the Communist party, minor disagreements between colleagues about policy, and trivial comments among friends about current affairs could quickly escalate into charges of treason, of being an enemy of the state. No one knew exactly what could provoke a summons to a closed room interrogation and a prison sentence.

It is in this stultifying environment that Katharine and Hans’s relationship takes shape and it is against this sweeping historical background that we confront and must try to understand their thoughts and actions. Katharine is young but seems deadened by life on the dreary East German side of the Berlin Wall with its brutalist architecture and its color spectrum ranging from shades of gray to shades of gray. For her, even a destructive relationship with an older man, a spiteful and hurtful one at that, may have provided a glimmer of hope for a “real” life. Hans has survived under the Communist regime and achieved a modicum of fame and fortune. But we can only speculate on the cost. Erpenbeck makes it clear that the price was high. The humanity of both main characters has been stunted by their reaction to living in a police state and by internalizing the distrustful depersonalizing actions of the government’s internal espionage apparatus. I suggest that Erpenbeck’s accomplishment is to show how the political environment can influence personal patterns of behavior.

How would we have held up if forced to live under such conditions? Would one have had the courage to speak truth to power or would one have hunkered down, kept a low profile, and avoided confrontation with the state? What would we have resorted to in order to protect ourselves and our job, family, and friends? Could we have maintained our humanity and dignity? Katharine and Hans lived with these unbearable dilemmas every day and their personalities were gradually warped under the relentless pressure.

It is easy to devalue the lives of others living in the former East Germany or Soviet Union, or current China or Iran, where men and women are forced to remain in countries that interfere with the freedom to think and express oneself and where every thought and action is under surveillance. But it would be a mistake. We should not lose sight of external factors in this country that threaten our individuality and our humanity. Whether it is political uniformity and social tribalism or blind use of the tools of artificial intelligence, we too must recognize and address the social forces that could impact on how we interact with the world and behave to one another. Like the Stasi in East Germany, these forces have the real potential to diminish our stature as moral agents.

Neither main character in Kairos is easy to identify with and it is hard to muster sympathy for the plight of either one. But our distaste for Katharine and Hans is tempered by the knowledge that their souls have been distorted, damaged almost beyond repair, by a state that has flattened the complexity of human individuality into a file of incriminating notes based on informer reports. I suspect it may be especially hard for a woman to read this book and suffer along with Katharine as she is manipulated and physically and psychologically abused by Hans. But one cannot escape the reality that Hans too is a victim. Quality literature like Kairos does not aim to rationalize human behavior. What it can do is contextualize fictional characters and in doing so make us understand what some of our fellow human beings are going through a little bit better and with a little more sensitivity.

Winner: International Booker Prize 2024

A Q&A with Jenny Erpenbeck and translator Michael Hofmann

KAIROS
Author: Jenny Erpenbeck
Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Directions; First Paperback Edition (May 14, 2024)
Hardback: 2021, Penguin Verlag
Paperback: 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0811238539

Photo by Lucy Bruell

Dr. Osler and His Irascible Patient

Jack Coulehan — Thu, 02 Jan 2025 16:20:06 +0000

On June 15, 1888, the following notice appeared on page 5 of the New York Times under the headline AGED POET SUFFERS RELAPSE:

“Prof. William Osler, of the University of Pennsylvania, was summoned by telegraph this afternoon to go to Walt Whitman’s bedside. The aged poet had a relapse, and it was feared that he was dying. When the doctor came away from the little frame house at 328 Mickle Street, Camden, at 8 o’clock tonight, he said the poet was resting easily and about holding his own.”

Osler first visited Whitman in 1884, shortly after moving to Philadelphia to take up his position as Professor of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania. Dr. Maurice Bucke, a Canadian psychiatrist and mutual friend, had asked Osler to look in on Whitman, who was complaining of dizzy spells and fatigue. The professor obligingly ferried across the Delaware River to Camden and made a house call. Osler reported that the poet had no residual neurological deficits from his earlier stroke. He was unimpressed with Whitman’s current symptoms and, in fact, later described him as “a fine figure of a man who had aged beautifully, or more properly speaking, majestically with a large frame and a well-shaped, well-poised head…“ ¹^{, p. 21}

Walt Whitman

However, four years later the situation was more serious. On June 14, 1888, Whitman developed slurred speech, prostration, and confusion “such as we know are not uncommon with sclerosis of the arteries of the brain.”¹^{, p.}¹⁷⁸ When Osler was called in, he recommended general supportive care and issued a cautiously optimistic prognosis (as the Times reported), but evidently did not present his patient with a specific diagnosis or discuss pathophysiology. Whitman recovered over the following weeks, but his health gradually deteriorated over the next several years until his death in 1892.

During the years Osler served as the poet’s primary care physician, their relationship was respectful, but not ideal. Whitman frequently complained about the great clinician’s rosy bedside manner. “Osler made light of my condition,” the poet wrote. “I don’t like his pooh-poohs. The professional air of the doctor grates on me.” ¹^{, p.}⁵⁰ On another occasion he told his friend Horace Traubel, “I confess I do not wholly like or credit what he (Osler) says. I do not fancy the jaunty way in which he seems inclined to dismiss my troubles.” ²^{, July 3, 1888} Evidently, Osler continued to speak in generalities, rather than addressing specific concerns that Whitman raised as he became progressively feebler.

This situation contrasts with some of the poet’s earlier medical experience. For example, shortly after his stroke in 1873, Whitman consulted Dr. Mathew Grier who must have explained the etiology of the problem. Whitman later wrote to his friend Peter Doyle, “Did I tell you that Dr. Grier here says that my real disease is the brain not being properly furnished and nourished with blood…” ³The poet’s other physicians included Drs. Silas Weir Mitchell and his son John Kearsley Mitchell. The famous neurologist and champion of neurasthenia made house calls on Whitman twice in 1878 when the poet reported symptoms of rheumatism and prostration, which he had self-diagnosed as a recurrence of his previous stroke. Mitchell assured him that the stroke, which had resulted from a ruptured blood vessel in the brain, was not responsible for the current symptoms. These, Mitchell claimed, were caused by chronic stress, perhaps exacerbated by anxiety over a public lecture that the poet was just then preparing to give.³ In other words Mitchell considered the illness a manifestation of neurasthenia. He prescribed travel, mountain air, and vigorous outdoor activity, which was Mitchell’s generic regimen for neurasthenia in males, quite the opposite of his more famous regimen of complete bed rest for female neurasthenics. ³The poet took Mitchell’s advice seriously and embarked on a trip to Colorado, after which he professed himself cured.

While Osler’s optimistic persona must have pleased many patients, it irritated Whitman. He judged his doctor’s cheerfulness to be insincere, or at least questionable. The elderly poet was an eccentric who fiercely valued his independence. While at times he showed a sweet and gentle side, he could also be touchy, irascible, and assertive. As the poet grew progressively frailer during 1888 and 1889, Traubel recorded a series of house calls during which Osler assured him that he would soon recover. “Do not take a gloomy view of Whitman’s case,” Osler told Traubel, “he will come around.” ²^{, July 3, 1888} In this short poem, I try to resurrect the poet’s attitude toward his famous doctor:

Walt Whitman Reflects on His Doctor’s Bedside Manner

As an old rat that must be allowed to die
in his own way, I start with a prejudice
against doctors. Never mind worrying

about your sickness, he scolds me,
I’m seeing to all that. The man tinkers
with platitudes and conceals his thoughts.

In his gospel of encouragement
I’m supposed to be agreeable and dumb
while he puts the best construction

on what’s happening. What does he know
about Whitman, the old rat? A shoemaker
tells his customer the shoe fits just right
but the shoe pinches the fellow wearing it.

Whitman was a master of self-promotion. He appeared to encourage members of his inner circle who viewed him as a prophet, as well as a poet. Dr. Maurice Bucke even wrote a book claiming that his friend was one of the few humans who had achieved “cosmic consciousness.” The others included Jesus, Mohamed, and the Buddha. Did Osler fail to understand that his one- size- fits- all approach to physician-patient communication might not be appropriate for a patient with Whitman’s complex and eccentric personality?

Although dissatisfied with Osler’s bedside manner, the poet respected his doctor’s clinical abilities. Several months after the medical crisis in 1888, Whitman wrote, “As for Osler: he is a great man—one of the rare men. I should be much surprised if he didn’t soar way, way up—get very famous at his trade—someday. He has the air of something about him—of achievement.”²^{, December 26, 1888}Indeed, by that time, Osler had already accepted the position of Professor of Medicine at the new Johns Hopkins medical school in Baltimore.

Osler was a sensitive, cultivated man, but also a rationalist, who initially looked askance both at Whitman’s exuberant poetry and the cult that had grown up around its author. Although he admired the man, he had no wish to become a disciple. He loved poetry and enjoyed quoting passages from Shakespeare and the Romantic and Victorian poets. Regarding his first impressions of Leaves of Grass, Osler later wrote, “Whether the meat was too strong, or whether it was the style of cooking—‘twas not for my pampered palate.” ^1,^{p. 22}He found his new patient’s long, unruly poems and earthy subject matter self-indulgent and lacking in discipline. The boisterous persona reflected in Whitman’s poems jarred Osler’s methodical mind. In the following poem, I imagine the clinician’s response to his early encounters with the Good Grey Poet:

Dr. William Osler Remembers His Call on Walt Whitman

I took the ferry that day and found him
in the front room of a small house
on Mickle Street, buried to his chest
in papers, magazines, and musty
brown bundles. Push yourself a path,
he said. I reckon you’re a friend of Bucke’s.

His famous head had aged majestically—
unkempt white beard; smooth, clear cheeks;
a fissured, geographic forehead.
His voice was pitched a shade too high,
but strong like the rest of him. Of symptoms
he said but little–remarkable

for a man of 65. For a moment
I felt that sweet aromatic presence
his disciples spoke of–for me, though,
the edge of chaos. I sometimes wish
the man had made a difference in my life,
opened me up, but how could I forego

my restraint? Or professional kindness?
For a man like me, a man of substance,
what could be worse than falling in love
with Whitman? I listened to the music
of his tongue, but could never cross the line
that reads, Who enters here, abandons discipline.

Yet, in his later years, Osler grew to respect his one-time patient’s poetry, as well as his charismatic personality. In fact, at the time of his death from pneumonia in 1919, he was in the process of writing an appreciative reminiscence of his encounters with Whitman.

The uneasy, but respectful, relationship between these giants in their respective fields provides interesting material for reflection. If the poet was so dissatisfied with Osler, why didn’t he go back to Weir Mitchell or his son, who were more easy-going and communicative? Mitchell’s reputation as a clinician easily equaled Osler’s, and he was a poet as well. Could it be that Whitman benefited in some way from Osler’s staunch optimism, or had developed deep trust in Osler’s judgment, despite the constant complaints he issued to Traubel and others? Alternatively, why didn’t Osler modify his paternalistic approach, since it seemed clear that Whitman preferred to play a more active role in the relationship? And those time-consuming house calls that required taking a ferry across the river! Why not recommend a more pliable colleague?

References

Philip Leon, Walt Whitman & Sir William Osler, ECW Press, Toronto, 1995.

Horace Traubel, With Walt Whitman in Camden, vol. 2, at http://whitmanarchive.org/criticism/disciples/traubel (accessed December 30, 2024)

Feinberg CE. Walt Whitman and his doctors. Arch Intern Med 1964; 114: 834-842.

Photo of Sir William Osler and Walt Whitman from WikiCommons.