The place: a nondescript, ramshackle medical clinic located on the second floor of a large Chinese mall, located in the suburbs of Toronto, just north of the city, circa 2008. 
Our narrator, the protagonist, is a newly minted family physician, a Chinese Canadian who grew up not far from this neighbourhood. 

On this otherwise nondescript morning, I get into the office and find that the first patient of the day is already waiting for me. 

On my way into exam room eight, I grab the large patient file that sits in the file holder just outside the door. Many of these files are for longstanding patients of the clinic, and even though I’ve only been working at the clinic for just over a year now, I’ve basically inherited them and their problems from the doctors who worked shifts here before me. 

Inside the room are two middle aged Chinese men. One is a stocky, heavy built man in work clothes. Next to him is a clean-shaven man wearing a dress shirt and slacks. I vaguely recognize the larger man. I’ve definitely seen him before. I’m not sure who his friend is. 

The two men greet me enthusiastically. 

“Good morning doctor,” says the man I recognize. 

“Here, we bought you a cup of coffee,” says the other man. He points at a styrofoam cup of Chinese mall coffee that is sitting on my desk. 

I nod and smile. It occurs to me that it is odd that they are so friendly. But it won’t be the last odd thing to happen to me on this day. 

“What brings you in today?” I ask in Mandarin. I’ve gotten used to speaking Mandarin during the majority of my patient encounters at this clinic. In fact, I’ve spoken more Mandarin since I started this job than I have in the preceding ten years, maybe since childhood when I spent a year living in Taiwan. 

The man in the dress shirt speaks. “Do you remember filling out a life insurance application for him recently?” 

As he speaks, I open the manila folder and start flipping through the chart to orient myself. I do remember this chart. The patient, the blue-collar worker, is not a regular patient of mine. I’ve only seen him once or twice in the past over the last few months, for prescription refills, and a discussion about his hypertension. Most of the chart, years and years of doctor visits, predates me. 

A month or two earlier, a request came in from an insurance company, asking me to provide a letter documenting the patient’s medical record. Insurance companies use these records to determine if a patient should qualify for life insurance, or how much of a premium they should pay based on their pre-existing medical conditions. 

“Yes. I do remember filling this out for you.” It is starting to dawn on me what the purpose of this visit is. The problem here is that the patient has a long history of high blood pressure, and he’s been consistently noncompliant with his treatment. I flip further back through the chart. There are multiple records of high blood pressure readings over the years, and lists of medications that were prescribed that he never ended up taking. 

All of this was documented in the note that I sent back to the insurance company last month when they asked me for a record of the patient’s medical history. 

Now it’s the patient’s turn to speak. “I don’t understand why I didn’t qualify for insurance. I have no health problems. What did you write on the insurance application?” 

I brace myself. I know he won’t like the answer. “I didn’t write anything special. I just told them what happened at your doctor visits based on what is written in the chart.” 

“You told them that I have high blood pressure?” 

“You did have high blood pressure at the last visit.” I turn the notes to the page from the last visit. “Your blood pressure was 154/96 at the last visit.” 

“I don’t have high blood pressure. I feel fine.” 

Of course, the patient feels fine. Hypertension is a silent disease. Patients usually don’t feel anything. 

“Why don’t you check my blood pressure now? I’ll prove to you that I’m fine.” 

I can feel myself start to tense up. I’m not really sure how to extricate myself from this situation. I agree to check his blood pressure as a way to buy myself some time. 

I put his arm inside the blood pressure cuff and pump the cuff. I use the silence to think about what I should do next but there isn’t enough time. Nothing comes to me. 

Not surprisingly, the reading is elevated.  

“160/100” I report. I try not to sound too triumphant. “It’s still high.” 

The patient ponders this for a moment. 

The friend decides to try a different tack. “Doctor, my friend here is trying to apply for health insurance. Can you please help us out? “ 

“I’m not sure how I can help.” As I say this, I look up and notice once again, the styrofoam cup of coffee. Now I see the gift for what it is. A payout or a bribe. Either way, something dirty. 

“If you can just write a letter explaining that he is healthy and he doesn’t have these issues, we can take it to the insurance company. Please help us out.” 

I have to choose my words carefully here. It’s harder for me to do this in Mandarin and I wish I could speak English here. “I can’t do that. It’s in the file. I can’t change the record.” I open the file and show the two men. The patient has a long history of high blood pressure. It isn’t one reading, or one visit, but a pattern of high readings over many years. I try to explain this in as simple Mandarin as I can. 

“Really? All we need is just a letter, explaining that he is healthy.” 

For a moment, I’m tempted to write them a letter, just to get them out the door. But what purpose would it serve? There’s no way around the fact that the insurance company has already received my prior correspondence clearly documenting the high blood pressure readings. I can’t lie to them. I think about my medical license, my career, and the prospect of losing it all over a two-dollar styrofoam cup of coffee. 

I shake my head. “I can’t do it.” 

In medical school, we attend classes on how to conduct patient interviews. We’re taught ways to de-escalate angry patients who are upset about things like having waited too long in the waiting room. For patient visits that are spiraling out of control, we’re taught the importance of body language. If a visit is going nowhere, we’re taught to stand up and move towards the door. This will suggest to the patient that this discussion is coming to an end. So this is what I do. I get up and move towards the door. 

The patient and his friend look offended. “Why are you getting up? We’re not done talking.” 

I’m now feeling very edgy. Medical school didn’t teach me what to do in this situation. A pit is forming in the bottom of my stomach. My sympathetic nervous system has kicked into overdrive. 

“I don’t have anything more to say.” I manage to force out this sentence in slow, stilted Mandarin, but my stomach is churning. 

“Why can’t you help us?” 

“I didn’t say I can’t help you. But you’re asking me to do something I can’t do.” 

“You’re a doctor. A doctor is supposed to help people.” 

I’m lost for words now. I stare back at the patient, the gears in my brain spinning frantically but to no avail. 

“You call yourself a doctor? What kind of doctor are you?” 

In our training, we’re taught a formula of what to say to patients in this type of situation. If a total breakdown in communication with a patient occurs (I’m pretty sure when a patient is pressuring the doctor to do something illegal and unethical, this would be grounds for a total breakdown), we’re taught to say something along the lines of “I feel like we’re having a breakdown in the patient-physician relationship, and we cannot continue this way. It might be best if you find another doctor to try to help you.” Right. You try translating that sentence into Mandarin. You try translating that sentence when a large, Mandarin-speaking man is breathing down your neck and asking you what kind of doctor are you? 

I try to come up with that sentence, but all my years of spoken Mandarin at the dinner table with my parents, and two years of university level Chinese fail me in that moment. 

I’m trying to say that our relationship is breaking down, but what actually comes out of my mouth is this sentence: 

我不喜欢你的态度  

This translates roughly into “I do not like your attitude.” In hindsight, maybe the sentence sounds too much like how a parent might lecture their teenage son when said son refuses to take off his headphones to hear whatever lecture the parent is offering. Or maybe it’s simpler than that, that maybe nobody likes being told that they have an attitude problem. Or maybe it was just the moment. I’ll never know for sure. 

In the next instant, the patient leaps up and charges at me. 

Terrified, I bolt out of the room. Luckily, I am already at the door of the exam room and in an instant, I am down the corridor, with the patient hot on my heels. Near the end of the hall, a friend of mine, another doctor in the clinic, comes out of his room to see what the commotion is about, and manages to get between the patient and myself, giving me a moment to flee to the relative safety of the computer room in the back of the clinic. I shut the door behind me. 

Outside, I hear the ruckus continue. My friend and one of the receptionists are trying to talk the patient off the ledge while the patient is hurling epithets at me in Mandarin. As I stand there, my entire future career flashes before my eyes. I tell myself this: if he makes it into the room, do not throw the first punch under any circumstances. But if he throws the first punch, then what? 

Over the years, I’ve been asked many times what it’s like working almost entirely with Chinese patients in a language that isn’t my native tongue. I’ve even given talks to the Medical Mandarin club at the University of Toronto about how to conduct medical interviews in Mandarin, and I have a few prepared answers for the students. But the full truth is too hard to explain. Only this incident can explain it. 

The truth is that I speak Mandarin well for a Chinese-born Canadian but compared to a native speaker, I am only just getting by. I can order food at a restaurant. I can understand television dramas from China and Taiwan. I can even haggle with a salesperson over the price of a speaker system if need be. 

In time, my medical Mandarin has improved too. When I started, I only knew a few medical catchphrases that my parents spoke at home. I knew how to say, “Hepatitis B” and “cholesterol” and “blood sugar.” The rest of the terms, I gradually learned from my patients over the years, as we talked about erectile dysfunction, menopause, thyroids, and everything else under the sun. 

All of this is great for my vocabulary, but the truth is that anyone can order dishes off a menu if they practice enough times, and the rote conversations that fill Mandarin textbooks and audio Mandarin lessons can be memorized and rehearsed until one can fool most people into thinking one is proficient. What I’ve learned about languages from medicine, and most specifically, through this incident, is that true mastery of a language should also include being able to nimbly think up an intelligent, appropriate response when one is under emotional pressure. 

Thankfully, this scenario doesn’t occur that often. In the years since, I’ve had to teach myself to be very, very careful when having emotionally charged conversations. And over time, I learned a technique that I could deploy now if necessary. If a situation like this encounter were to recur in the future, I would stick to English to avoid miscommunication and to retain control of the conversation.  

Fortunately, the office manager managed to talk the patient into calming down and the door to the computer room was not barged through, and there were no fisticuffs. It was, to date, the closest I’ve ever come to physical blows in my adult life. The patient had initially demanded that I come out and apologize, and insisted they would wait outside the office until I reappeared. But eventually, the manager explained to the patient that if he kept on threatening the office, we might just have to call the police. 

As for me, for a few weeks thereafter, I thought twice about walking down the long corridor to the underground parking lot alone, but time passed and eventually this incident moved out of the forefront of my mind and life went on. I never saw the patient or his friend again. 

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